First Dates...How Many is Too Many?

Hello Everyone! I know it has been a little while since my last post, I wish I could tell you it was because I have been going on fantastic dates, but I can't! I am having to face a new reality...Reno without my sister. She is moving to South Carolina for a job and it just so happens that is where our other sister lives as well. I am now faced with the thoughts of what is keeping me here in Reno? Well first off my job - I truly like my job. Second would be my friends - I do have some special people in my life. Third would be the fact I own a home here and fourth would be that Reno really is a great place to live. However, after four years I remain single...when I first moved to Reno I thought I would give it a good five years. I never for once thought I would be on the down slope toward that fifth year with no relationship or even the prospect of one. I have gone on lots of dates and part of me is thinking that maybe Reno is not the place I am going to meet Mr. Wonderful. The scary idea of moving has entered my mind. Is it pathetic to move someplace because you haven't met a man...I will say it - yes. On the other hand I still have a whole year left in Reno - maybe this will be the best year of my life. Maybe. I am going to be 32 in just a mere 42 days. I know that 32 is not "old," but I am also not exactly where I thought I would be at 32 and how long do I wait before I try and create the life I want. I do not want to grow old alone. I really am not even looking for marriage...just a man who I want to date, a man that wants to date me, and someone I could see the possibility of a relationship.

I believe I have given the Reno dating a scene a good solid "A" for effort. I have done all the possible dating websites and gone out to bars/clubs. I am going to attempt to compile a list for your amusement of the dates I have had in the almost four years of living in Reno. This list will include dates I've gone on and people I have met, but a date never materialized, and honestly I do not remember everyones name! Here goes...

1. John the Boxer. Hot. Big biceps. Tattoos. Shaved head. "Divorced." 2 year old son. I dated him for a couple weeks. This included going to watch him box. Hot. He disappeared - got back together with his wife and joined the military.
2. Braden. Pretty boy drug rep. Studio apartment with a Murphy bed. Enough said.
3. Damario (Hispanic). Adorable smile. One date. Many conversations later we never had another date. He started seeing a girl, who was "just a friend" he had known since high school. I actually saw them out last night. Ugh.
4. Guy who slammed his keys on the table when he sat down. We made last minute plans to meet for ice cream. I met him on a dating site. He had two kids. He literally came in, slammed his keys down and did not even smile. I was like, wow this is so not going to go anywhere. Was he disappointed with what he saw? I will never know.
5. Damario (black). Went bowling and dinner on our first date. Had a good time. He was nice, but on the shy side. Had three dates. Kissed on the third and I think neither one of us felt a spark. He introduced me to some guy friends I still have to this day.
6. Chad. Military guy who was just going to be in Reno for his two week leave. He clearly was looking for a wife to take back to Spain. Nice enough guy, but not what I wanted.
7. Josh. Super outdoor boy as previously described in my Valentine's Day blog.
8. Mateo. Guy I was actually in love with, also previously described in Valentine's Day blog. We just clicked. Got attached to his 3 year old daughter. Broke my heart. Never again.
9. Drake. Met him in North Carolina on vacation (so maybe he doesn't count).
10. Rachman. Most beautiful man I have ever seen. After several encounters it was clear his beauty was only skin deep. Met him at a club. Someday I will have to tell you the full story of this man. My last date with him will go down in my history as worst date ever.
11. Brad. Met him through black Damario. He lives in Vegas. Had a great first date. Said he wanted another one (as he comes to Reno frequently). He started seeing someone and I didn't hear from him for a very long time. Ended up seeing him once in Vegas for a non-date that included sushi dinner and Circque du Soleil show. Good time. Haven't spoken to him since.
12. Nigel. Met him in the grocery story. He had two teenage children who lived in another state. He had a good job. Zero attraction. He sent me a text about the recall of Lean Cuisines. I did not go out with him again.
13. Brae. Age appropriate. Good job. Divorced. No kids. Met for dinner. Had a few follow up texts, but did not respond to my inquiry about a second date. Got a text from him not that long ago - thought I was a differed Aimee. Awesome.
14. Cevin with a C. As previously described in last blog. Douche bag.
15. Raul. As previously described - Guy I see at the gym and want to throw my water bottle at.
16. Crazy Guy From Santa Crawl. Previously described as man who didn't remember me on POF.
17. Damon. Only had one picture on his dating profile. Had eight St. Bernard dogs. Went on two dates with him. Zero attraction. Said he had an "infectious" laugh. I found it to be rather annoying.
18. Feminine guy. Soft spoken and flung his hands around when he talked. I knew the moment he said hello that I would not have another date with him. Met him off dating website. I was on call the night we went out and throughout the whole dinner I prayed my phone would ring. It finally did and I got out of it!
19. Manuel. Cute. 2 boys. Said he was 5'8" - yeah maybe with his arms outstretched above his head. Had an okay dinner except he tended to stare at me while I ate. Felt awkward. No additional dates, but I considered it.
20. Phil (black). Super cute. Met him at the club and he was very respectful. Went out to dinner and movie with him. He was a lot younger than me. Texted me after date to say what a great time he had and he looked forward to the next time. Saw him one more time. Disappeared and then randomly heard from him. Said a friend died. Okay. Made future plans that ended up never happening.
21. Phil (white). Douche bag. I liked this guy. We had a few dates over a couple weeks time. Disappeared and randomly heard from him about a month later. He stated he started a second job and that is why I didn't hear from him. Not okay. Did not see him again.
22. Mark. Guy I met in the club and sat and talked with for an hour. He texted me a couple days later to say that he has to confess that he lied about everything. WTF. He still wanted to go on a date. Um no.
23. James. Coworkers brother in law. Cute. Quiet. One night out. Never called.
24. Shy Scott. Met him for coffee of dating website. It was a pleasant date. Not sure if I was attracted to him. He does aerobatics. Hmmm. He told me if I wanted to go out again to let him know. We did not have another date.
25. Jazzy Jason. This guy was fun. He was chatty. Called me every day. He was a teacher. Went on several dates. He had a 4 year old. Soon our conversations surrounded his son and his crazy mom. Just the kind of thing I don't want to be involved in. I went out of town for a week...never saw him again.
26. Clint. As previously described - guy I thought must have died because that was how bizarre it was.
27. Plenty of Fish Guy. Well that just fizzled out. I think too much time had passed.
28. T - pilot. Never going to see again. Over it. Kind of.
29. Club Guy. He is so random! I got a voicemail from him last week. Not going to go on a date with him. Ever.

So I think that covers it. I may have missed some, but obviously they were not that important. This list also does not include the countless men I have corresponded with on dating websites only to have nothing come of it. I also think I date a variety of people when it comes to race, education, children, and age. 15 of these dates were with White men, 8 Black, 4 Hispanic, and one was half Asian. 9 of these men had children and more than half did not have college degrees. I am a firm believer that you never know who will connect with and if you ask me out I will generally go on at least one date. This seems like a lot of first dates in just under four years. I don't know maybe it is not, but its a little depressing to see that I did not find someone to have a relationship with out of 28 men (minus Mateo).

Tell me readers...would you move for the possibility of finding love...and where would you go?

Until next time...

"The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible."

Last night I went to my friend's 30th birthday celebration. How is it possible I will be 32 in two months? Are we really aging? My "young" friends are starting to turn 30, my sister is 30...WTF is going on. I remember when I was in high school thinking that I would be married by 22 with my first child at 24 - because that was, well, old. Wow was I wrong and I'm glad that I was, but now that 32 approaches I definitely thought I would at least be dating someone by now. Its been more than two years since I've been in a relationship. Kind of makes you start to wonder what it is about me that is repelling nice men and attracting jerky men. Obviously my approach to dating is not working and I might have to start taking drastic measures. I was having a conversation with my friend, Double Dose of Chocolate Chin Pimp (and yes that is his real name), after I heard a radio interview with J-Woww from Jersey Shore on the dating book she wrote. I don't know if any of my wonderful followers have watched the train wreck that is the Jersey Shore, but it is pure trash and I love it. Basically it is overly tan grown adults who party too much and make stupid decisions. Fabulousness. The title of J-Woww's book is "The Rules According to JWOWW: Shore-Tested Secrets on Landing a Mint Guy, Staying Fresh to Death, and Kicking the Competition to the Curb." Um how can I not get this book?? Well I was discussing with Double Dose of Chocolate Chin Pimp that if I reach 32 with no prospective daters I should get the book and follow it for one year...just to see what can happen. He thinks it is a fantastic idea, as a fellow Jersey Shore lover, how could it go wrong? Of course her opening statement in the show is "After I have sex with a man I rip their head off," so it could be a very interesting year. Obviously I would have to get breast implants, hair extensions and have a year round tan so I can "kick my competition to the curb."

So back to last night. We were at a local nice restaurant that had a bar with live music as well that later turned in to DJ like music. We were sitting at the bar and the "dance floor" was just up the stairs and we had a perfect view of the late 30 something women dancing like fools. These women looked obviously mommish and all I could think was "OMG that is going to be me in a few years!" I try not to think about my age as I do not feel "old" but I feel like I am constantly reminded that I am getting older and even if I don't look it now...who knows what wrinkles and sagging could be in my future. There really were not any young approachable men that I could practice my social skills on, but then I did a double take as I saw someone who reminded me of T-pilot. Maybe it was a mirage. Nope - same dance moves, same hair, but obviously not nearly as good looking. Not him. I probably just subconsciously wanted to see him. Pathetic. Move on. 

With the 30th birthday celebrations last night I am reminded of my 30th. Let us take a walk down memory lane. I was turning 30 and was going to Mexico with my best friend. I had never been to Mexico and thought what better time to go than when I turn 30!! Super excited. Then swine flu hit. Ooops I mean H1N1. Travel to Mexico was not recommended and discouraged. I changed my trip to October - five months AFTER my 30th birthday. So what exciting things would I do as I turn 30 and fabulous? I went to my friends wedding...the one whose birthday it was last night. Nothing like making me feel single and unfabulous than attending a wedding on my 30th birthday...without a date. Fortunately I had a lovely time at the wedding, she looked beautiful, the food was great and we went dancing in Tahoe after. Overall not a horrible 30th birthday. I had gone on a couple of dates with Cevin, that is right, Cevin with a "C" when my 30th birthday rolled around. He actually was the first one to call me and wish me a happy birthday. I appreciated that and we planned to get together after my wedding weekend in Tahoe. In total I went on five dates with Cevin and he never kissed me...just not that into me? Textbook, right! On date three I had him over for dinner and he brought a movie - Marley and Me. What kind of date movie is that?! I had already seen it and knew the sobbing tears that came out of my eyes would not be a very good mood set if I wanted a first kiss. We sat close on the couch, but no hand holding. Nothing. So sad part of movie and I am staring off into space trying not to think about the awfulness. I am not a cute crier. My eyes stay red and puffy for a long time. No fair. He leaves after the movie because he "has to work in the morning," gave me a hug and said he would give me a kiss, but he had a cold sore. I did not see said cold sore...maybe it was on the inside of his lip. So I am sure you are wondering how did things end with Cevin. One Saturday we were to have a dinner date after he got off work and after I was done wine walking (fabulous event). I talked to him on my way home and he said he wasn't up for going out to eat, but would come over and we could watch a movie after he went home and changed. He did not come over. He did not call me. He did not text me. He fell off the face of the earth! How is this possible? How can someone be so inconsiderate?? Well apparently this happens to me. I did text him and got no response. A few weeks later I texted him to ask how things were going...being breezy and maybe try and find out what happened. His response, "who is this?" Awesome. I responded with who I was and he called, but apparently had not gotten the text yet of who I was because when I said who I was he paused and was like "Oh hey, how are you?" I'm sure he was thinking shit, why did I just call a number I didn't know. We made small talk for a few minutes and I said I just was wondering what had happened and why I hadn't heard from him. He said he just was not really ready for a relationship. WTF I met him on eharmony...a fucking dating site...and I'm sorry did five dates with a girl that you did not even kiss constitute a relationship? No. Did I push for anything? Not even remotely. Fucker.  

So that lovely story about Cevin reminds me of another dating experience with Clint. I met Clint last summer just after the 4th of July. We met through match. Do you see a theme here? Too many dating sites. As I write about it and all the ones I have tried I cannot help that it makes me sound desperate, which I do not like to think of myself as! I just want to meet a nice man...somehow. Clint and I met for drinks and I was just getting over a cold. When I first saw him my initial thought was, phew, he looked normal. As soon as I sat down my bra strap broke! After a few niceties I excused myself to run to the bathroom to fix my bra. While I was in there I couldn't help but wonder if he thought I was ditching him. That would have been kind of hilarious if I had, but my first five minutes with him had been good. We ended up having a good date. He told me that he would like to see me again and even gave me some compliments. He was not a typical pick for me as he had blond hair and blue eyes, but he was cute. He has a college degree and works as an engineer for one of the local casinos. He also happened to live about 3 miles down the road from me in his own home. Perfect! A real live grown up! I saw him two days later for a movie at his house. I made a chocolate mousse. I am a fabulous dessert chef if I do say so myself. So of course I had to try and reveal a little taste of how wonderful it would be to have me around. Clint had a very nice home and showed me his projects. I liked how it made him manly and I knew he would be useful to have around a house (it takes me hours to hang a picture). He had a theater room. Fabulous! We watched a dumb movie, had some mousse and then shared our love of the Jersey Shore. I then knew I wanted a third date. He was easy to be around and called me out on being nervous and shy. We had our first kiss. I could like this guy. For our third date we went hiking in Tahoe. The plan was to hike down to this private little area on the lake that my friend had told me about. Well we didn't quite find it and ended up hiking through bushes. I had scratches all over my poor legs. He had packed us a lunch. It was actually kind of cute. So by the time we made it back to the car we were both hot and sweaty. Not really a romantic time. We went to the beach and cooled off in the water. Yes I was in my bathing suit on a third date! My mom and sister were both horrified. But really if seeing me in a bathing suit made him not want to see me again then he is not worth my time, right? He is affectionate in front of the other beach goers. On our way back to Reno we talked a lot and discussed my shyness and my not very affectionate personality. We talked about how so often I would date people and just never hear from them again and how all I wanted was for once someone to just be honest. If you don't want to see me again that is fine, just say so, don't disappear. He said that was surprising that men did that and he would never do such a thing. I could be honest with him and I felt like we definitely had another date in the future. We did. I continued to see him for 3.5 weeks about three times a week. He met my sister at a barbecue I had. No one has met my sister in two years. This was a kind of a big deal. My sister also does not typically like the men I date. She was indifferent about Clint. Hmmmm what does that mean? I on the other hand was actually starting to really like him. He kind of won me over when he suggested that we dress up for the Jersey Shore premiere of the second season and he would cook dinner. I found someone who could be silly with me. I dressed as Snooki.

One Wednesday he was over and my best friend from Portland was coming for a long weekend the next day. I told him I wouldn't see him for a few days as my friend would be there and his mom was actually going to be there later in the weekend. He kind of pouted and was like well I could have dinner with you guys. I checked with my friend the next day to see if that was okay. We ended up going to sushi Friday night. My friend was actually kind of indifferent about him as well. What was I not seeing? We got along, he was cute, he was a professional, I had fun with him. He talked about us doing stuff - like taking a day trip down to Sacramento. Hmmmmm. He gave me a hug and a kiss when we left...in front of my friend. Little did I know that would be the last I ever saw of him. Saturday night we texted and he said he wished he was there with me. We had talked about going to a local minor league baseball game. My friends wanted to go Tuesday so I texted him on Sunday to ask if he wanted to go and say that I hoped he was having a good time with his mom. His mom was in town because she had a doctor's appointment on Monday. I never heard from him. I was thoroughly confused. I called him, but got nothing. That Friday I went to my cousins wedding in Lake Tahoe. I still had not heard from him. I genuinely thought something had happened to him or his mom. I mean why else would I not have heard from him? The last thing he said to me was that he wished he was with me. I called him and asked if everything was okay with his mom and just to let me know that he was okay. By the end of the weekend I was at a loss. I was even contemplating stopping by his house to see if everything was okay that is how odd I found this situation. We were facebook friends and he had even posted a picture of us on his facebook. I checked his facebook. Our picture was still up and he had no recent posts. I would wait another day...facebook stalked him and saw that a friend had posted that she, her husband, and their kids had a good time at the park that day with him. My heart literally dropped into my stomach. I was completely shocked. In fact I hate even thinking about it now because it brings back how awful that feeling was. After he specifically told me he would not do such a thing he does exactly what all the other douche bags have done. Disappear. With no reason.

A couple days later I worked up the nerve to make a phone call to him. He of course did not answer. What I basically said was, you told me you would always be honest with me and all I want to know is what happened, that I didn't expect a phone call, but to at least text me what went wrong. The next day I got a text from him saying he was sorry, he knew it wasn't going to go anywhere with me and he didn't know how to talk about it. This saddened me. That was an obvious answer - I wanted to know what it was...I really would like to know if I am doing something that freaks men out that sends them running to never hear from them again. Maybe someday someone will have the balls to tell me. Until then I shall date...if I can find anyone to date!

On a side note, several people have asked about getting an email when I have a new blog. I would be happy to send a mass email every time I create a fabulous new blog. Just email me at datecrydrink@gmail.com that way whether you are an active follower or a private follower you will get all my updates.

Until next time...