Cruisin'

So I guess I should apologize for my little profanity rant of the last post. I maybe got a little carried away in my expression of my frustration. I have been dating in the adult world for 13 years and stupid shit just gets very annoying and I'm tired of it. To give a little update on Club Guy - he texted me later that night. At 10:07 p.m. Yup - 67 minutes AFTER we were supposed to meet. It said "Sorry to get back to you so late. I hate doing that to someone. I can't make it tonight, hope you have fun on vaca. I hope we can meet up when u get back." Pffffft I did not respond. What was I to say? Gee that would have been nice to know 68 minutes ago! I did not have access to my cell phone while on vacation and when I got back to Miami after being at sea I had a text from him that said "Are you mad at me?" I just said I wasn't thrilled about about basically being stood up Friday night. Needless to say I have not heard from him again. Slightly disappointed how this all went down. He was cute and a good dancer. Oh well.

A little update on the Fish - he messaged me today to ask about the cruise. We chatted a little bit about it, but that was it. No date.

Now for the cruise...best vacation ever! I really did not know what to expect from this vacation, except that I would be with some fabulous friends and we would make a good time out of anything. Traveling to Miami from Reno was an all day event. I stayed drugged up on Xanax to make the three flights tolerable. (I am not afraid of the plane crashing, I am claustrophobic). I met my girls (Llennifur, Sweet K and Sugar Bird) at the hotel late at night and we had a shuttle to the port of Miami the next day (Sunday 1-16) at noon. We each had a case of diet coke and wine (priorities). Our shuttle had other Carnival Valor travelers. We were excited. Getting on the boat took less than an hour and as four single fabulous ladies we were already scoping out the man goods in the lines - we were not that impressed. Our first night on the ship we decided had to be a clubbing night as the next day was a Fun Day at Sea and we would be able to sleep in and lay around if so needed. That night we sexified ourselves and headed to the club. It was empty. Crap. What now? We headed to live band karaoke - clearly awesome, right? We were the only single and fabulous ladies there. We grabbed a table and did some very necessary shots. There was a table close buy that had about eight guys - who were clearly hammered and looked to at least be in our age range. Llennifur and I immediately dubbed them "The Douche Bags." I should say Llennifur and I are in our early 30's and fabulous while Sweet K and Sugar Bird are mid 20's and sweet as pie. Us older ladies have a little bit of some bitch in us and minimal tolerance for douchie guys. One of the guys from the Douche Bags approached us (why wouldn't he?) and asked if we would do a duet with him and another guy. This kid actually looked semi normal, we will call him Dave - because that's his name. Sweet K and I were ready for it - she can actually sing and I sqawk but have a good time. Well before we could find a song the Douche Bags decided they were leaving and headed to the club. We said we would meet them there. There were more people at the club and we danced, drank and had a good time. Llennifur and I tired of the scene after awhile and left Sweet K and Sugar Bird with Dave and some other d-bags. So this is a dating blog about myself so I feel I shouldn't give too many details on my friends interactions with guys from the ship...but I will say Dave and Sweet K were rather friendly and ended up meeting multiple times on the ship and he was nice and decent (unlike his roomies).

Monday was a Fun Day at Sea - which means we slept in and laid out on the ship deck. We checked out the groups of people on the ship. There was a certain group of people (250 to be exact) that would not speak to us - much to our surprise and despite our efforts. This was disappointing as there were several good looking men with this group. We were rather surprised to not see very many groups of single people. It appeared to be a lot of couples and older folks. Oh well we would have a great time. We got ready for dinner that night in the dining hall. I had brought waterproof mascara for the only reason that we would obviously be spending lots of time in the water. I hate waterproof mascara. My roomie, Sweet K, uses it everyday as "you never know when you might cry." I hate crying in front of people. I don't show my emotions if I can help it. This waterproof mascara was the same brand as what I usually use, but it just wasn't the same...little did I know that I would be grateful for this waterproof mascara. We went to dinner and that is when we met Stanislav, our gorgeous bar waiter. He was from Bulgaria and absolutely just a tall drink of water. Kind of sad that after 1.5 days on the ship the cutest guy I had seen is part of the staff. He was delightful. I took this as my opportunity to practice my social flirting skills and flirted nightly with him. He always had a smile on his face, kind of like a cute little sheepish smile. His accent was to die for and we all would just gaze at him as he walked away.

Tuesday was our Grand Caymen port - we would be snorkeling and having a sting ray encounter. I was rather excited about this - the other ladies, not so much. We met our boat captain - he had his family with him and there were just eight others on the boat with us. This was wonderful - we had the top deck to ourselves and took advantage of laying in the sun on the way to our snorkel spots. I love to snorkel, but the water was actually kind of cold. Our second stop was Sting Ray City, in which we all got in waist deep water and our captain grabbed a sting ray and we fed it, held it and kissed it (I now have 7 years of goodluck). The third stop was another snorkeling area on the barrier reef. It was at this stop that our captain gathered up conch and cut them out of their shells and Sugar Bird and I sampled a taste of it right there in the ocean. We each got to take a conch shell home with us.

Wednesday was our Cozumel port. This was fantastic. We had a day at an all inclusive beach club. It included all drinks and food. We got to lay on the beach and have everything brought to us. Everybody was very nice. I spilled two drinks. Wednesday night we all went to the casino. Sweet K and Sugar Bird had been the night before. Llennifur drank a whole bunch and flirted with Bobby - the card dealer from Macedonia. She loved him.

Thursday was Belize. Llennifur was too hungover to go on our excursion - which was another snorkeling adventure with a stop at an island. This was our least favorite stop. We took a boat from the belize port out to the barrier reef and the waters were really rough so we bounced up and down quite a bit. I thought I would be sore the next day it was that bad! We got lectured by the staff like we were five year olds about how to snorkel and by penalty of death we were not to touch the coral. It only grows one inch per year! There is fire coral that will sting you! Do not touch it!!!! So we have to jump off the boat into this shallow area of water. I jump and for some reason have my eyes open - salt water burning my eyes with contacts in them!!!! I try and swim and immediately hit my knee on some coral!!! It is scraped and it burns the entire time! The waters were really rough and it actually was a little scary. We had to stay in a group and practically hold hands as the staff gave us a snorkeling tour. After this snorkeling adventure torture we went to a little island that was 1.5 acres. It was lovely. It was the best part of the day. We got to appreciate the beauty from island - not in the middle of the ocean in the rough waters with my knee stinging.

Thursday evening is full of flirting. Stan has started greeting us as pretty ladies. He always asks us how are excursions have been and asks what we will be doing in the evening. He also has started charging us for only one drink. Tonight I sign my tab as "pretty lady." I asked him to say hello ladies in his native language. He got all embarrassed and was kind of giggling and he would pick up our table number and kind of fiddle with it. It was so adorable! He had our captive attention and when he left Llennifur told me I was "such a little flirt." This is improvement people!! I never flirt with people. I must be doing well with all my practice! In the meantime I have asked our regular waiter the rules on staff and guests hanging out. Well this is against the rules and can be cause for termination. Damn. Sweet K and Dave meet up again and Sugar Bird meets another guy with that group who has not been going out with everyone else as he does not drink. They hit it off right away. Llennifur does some more Bobby watching.

Friday is our earliest excursion in Isla Roatan, Honduras. As we are pulling up to the port all we see is this beautiful green lush island. It was amazing and so different than the other ports. We went to Gumbalina Park, about a 30 minute shuttle ride from our port. We kayaked in clear kayaks, held parrots, held monkeys and just saw this beautiful area. We relaxed by the pool. This port also had the best looking locals! This was our favorite port.

Oh Friday night...I am the only one so far who hasn't gotten really drunk. With all the drinking we do on the ship this is surprising. We have determined tonight is going to be a fabulous night as we can stay out and sleep in all day because Saturday is a Fun Day at Sea. They have live band karaoke again tonight. Sweet K and I will sing! I must prepare by having a few drinks of course. I tell Stan my plan to sing karaoke and he says that maybe he will come and watch! Whoo hoo the chance to hang out with Stan! I have three glasses of wine at dinner and get charged for one. I sign my tab as pretty lady and write where to meet at 12 a.m. for karaoke. Stan serves drinks in the casino after he is done in the dining hall. We hung out in the casino so the ladies could flirt with Bobby the dealer and I could order another drink from Stan and not be charged :) I also managed to win some money. I tipped our dealer, Bobby, and obviously hot Stan. I may have spilled another drink. Sweet K and Sugar Bird have met up with their boys. Llennifur is sitting at Bobby's table and being a little flirt. I wander off to find Stan - I might be a little drunky drunk. I see him standing alone outside of the casino so I go up to chat. He is about to get off work. I ask about the karaoke - he can't go in his work clothes and hang out with me. So I ask what he wants to do and he asks me the same. We conversate for a bit and really he can only hang out on the top deck in his regular clothes with guests. So it is decided that he will go change and we will meet back at the deck one elevators in 15 minutes (it is 12:30). Whoo hoo. I'm very excited at the prospect of getting to hang out with this very hot Bulgarian and chatting up on the top deck. I find Sugar Bird and let her know the plan. I have a glass of wine and a glass of water and go down to the deck one elevators. I sit on the stairs and wait. I then wait some more. I'm a sad little Cinderella in my awesome heels. I look at the clock on the wall it is almost 1:10 a.m. I kind of teared up - but no tears fell down my cheeks. I was like awesome, stood up twice in one week. I went to my room and composed myself (our rooms were on deck one). I went back to the elevators. No Stan. I went to where I had left Sugar Bird. She asked where Stan was. I burst into tears!!! Oh my God I am that drunk girl who cries!!! Pathetic. I know roll your eyes and groan, we have all been there before! This is the third time it has happened in my whole life. I of course then can't stop the tears rolling down my face - thank goodness I had that waterproof mascara! I tried to enjoy the rest of the night - we ended up going to the club. No one would talk to me - not a surprise I was a hot mess. I called it a night and left Sweet K and Sugar Bird with their boys. Llennifur was back in the room and we ordered in room service. It was fantastic and I felt soooo stupid!

Saturday...our last day as we would arrive back in Miami at 8:00 Sunday. We had to have all our luggage outside our door that night and only what we would use in the morning with us in the room. That night at dinner Stan of course was our bar waiter and he was not his usual smiley chatty self. I debated with myself about saying something to him - I consulted my friends. I finally just asked him what happened to him last night (in a very breezy non-confronting way). He was like, "what happened to me, what happened to you" I said I was there at the elevator and he said he was too. He got there late - around 1. I told him I was there until almost 1:15. He looked surprised and said that we must have been at different elevators. Hmmmm do I believe him? I want to. There wasn't much for entertainment on the boat that night (we had previously gone to several shows including comedy, magic and an 80's musical) so we just decided to hang out down in the casino/bar area.  Llennifur stalked Bobby around the casino and the other two went off with their boys. Around midnight I told Llennifur I wanted to talk with Stan and see if maybe he would be up for hanging out tonight. We talked to him briefly near the bar and he said he had to go as his manager was over there and he pointed somewhere. I sat at the bar and told Llennifur to leave because I couldn't ask him in front of her. Ha. She obliged. Eventually Stan closed out his tab and I know he saw me sitting there. He went in the back freezer room and then must have snuck out the side door because he never reappeared! Well gee I think that sums up how he felt. Maybe he did just make up the story about the night before?! So Llennifur and Bobby had a little flirtatious relationship going on as well and he had said he would hang out with them at the Miami port. She wrote her name and number on a napkin and gave it to him while I was waiting for Stan to come out of the freezer room. The whole night just kind of deflated my energy. Llennifur wanted to wait until Bobby got of work at 2. That was still 1.5 hours away. I told her to have fun and I was going to head to the room. I was sleeping in my underwear as I had all my luggage taken away. The next thing I know I am awakened by Sugar Bird saying that Llennifur is bringing Bobby down to their room and can she and Sweet K bring their boys to my room. I was like "I'm naked!" Well I guess Sugar Bird's man didn't want to leave his room and Dave just stopped in for a minute. I kept the blankets up to my neck. Sugar Bird slept on the couch and Sweet K and Dave left to go hang out somewhere else. We had to get up early the next day to disembark the ship.

This was truly the best time ever with these ladies. I may have been the only one not to have a cruisemance, but I could not have asked for a better time. I still got a lot of flirting practice in and that was all I was hoping for on this trip. Every single one of my fabulous friends have kept in contact with their boys...so who knows :) I personally am ready for my seven years of good luck to begin any time now...