"Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime."

Happy Valentines Day to all my faithful followers! I hope you are all with the ones you love on this joyous day of love expression, two soul mates together, two hearts beating as one.Wait. Shut up. Who is this writing?? I was trying to keep angry bitter girl away, because let's face it she isn't very nice and kind of a bitch, but I can't do it! I'm baaaack :) I will try and be good...promise. I have my glass of wine in hand...things will be looking up any minute! First thing I did when I got home (after picking up my new iphone) was pour a glass of wine. Let me just say this wonderful $12 wine really hit the spot! I now sit in my comfy clothes writing to my lovely followers. However, I look down and see I am wearing all black...unintentional, but maybe my subconscious true feeling of this stupid day. I actually do not feel as sad as I thought I would. Today at work I was not bombarded with one iota of Valentine Day propaganda. Kind of surprising. I even wore my festive V-Day scrubs. However as I sit here I realize how good I really have it...I did two biopsies on people who will most likely get the news they have cancer. I could have it so much worse. Really. I am not going to complain today, well at least not a lot of complaining. I will keep you entertained today with a walk down memory lane of my Valentine Days in Reno. Today is the fourth V-Day. Amazing. I cannot believe I have been here almost four years. I might need to reconsider my three year plan. That is for another time. This actually is the first Valentine's Day I have spent alone in Reno...

My first Valentine's Day in Reno, was Feb 14, 2008. I was dating Josh. I met Josh on New Years Eve through mutual friends at a party. I have no idea why we were attracted to each other. We are basically as opposite as you could get, on the other hand, we just enjoyed being around each other. We had been dating about five weeks when V-Day approached. We certainly were not in love and had not even referred to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. I did not expect a grand gesture of affection nor did I really want one (I swear). Josh and I basically had a relationship during the week only. I never saw him on the weekends because he was super outdoor boy (which gave him very nice shoulders). I saw him almost every night during the week, I would cook dinner and we would just hang out. It was actually quite nice. So for Valentines Day we made a huge step and actually went OUT to dinner. I got him a silly card and that was it. I got nothing. After dinner we went back to my place and literally fell asleep. That is how exciting we were, but I really liked him. I couldn't even tell you what it was, but it was there. We dated for almost 2.5 months total and in the end it came down to me wanting to have some dates on the weekends and him being unwilling to give up any weekend time away from his outdoor activities. He was honest. I appreciate that now, but at the time I was upset. I now have to see Josh almost every day at work...he is working on his x-ray clinical rotations. I know it would never have worked out, but I still think highly of him.

My second Valentine's Day in Reno, Feb 14, 2009 was probably the worst. I had recently reconciled with the man I mentioned way back on my blog titled "One Week" on November 21, 2010. We had dated about six months when I was faced with the fact of what he was doing behind my back thinking I had no knowledge. Well I found out and ended it. This was just before Halloween 2008. I had completely fallen for this man. My sister even liked him! (a rarity indeed) He literally came crying back after the new year, said all the right things and I wanted so bad to believe him and trust in him because I thought I had found the person I was supposed to be with. I was a stupid girl. We had officially been back together for just a couple of weeks when Valentine's Day was rearing its ugly head. I did expect a grand gesture from him. If he wanted to prove to me that I was the one for him I wanted to believe it and see it. Then he got told he had to go to some seminar in Colorado Springs for a week and would be flying out Valentine's Day, Saturday afternoon. I suggested we go to dinner on Friday. He agreed. I made reservations. First clue, right? Why didn't he? I got a call from him midday saying he wasn't feeling very good and could we just cancel dinner, stay home and rent a movie. Sigh. Fine, who am I to say he has to go out when he's not feeling well. I cancelled our reservations. He gets off work at 4...I didn't hear from him until almost 6. I was like, uhhh what's up. He was like well I went to the gym and now I have to shower. WTF?! You don't feel good, but you can go to the gym??!! He says, he knew I would say that, well hell yeah I would. So I was like we are going out to dinner. He begrudgingly agreed and said he would call me after he was out of the shower and ready. I waited for 1.5 hours!! I called and got his voicemail. I am pissed. I called again in 20 minutes and he answered. He fell asleep. Fuck this, I am pissed and he is like I'm sorry, let me just come over and we can watch a movie. I don't know why I even agreed. I was still so mad when he showed up. He said he would spend all day Saturday with me until he had to leave on the jet plane. He got a text from his boss Saturday morning asking him to come in and work. I was like, umm what about me? I'm such a girl. He said he would meet me for lunch. Whooptie doo. I may have mentioned the least he could do was get me flowers (I love flowers).  I met him for lunch and we had about two hours together. I am crazy about this guy...why??? He walked me to my car, gave me flowers and I asked him to call me when he lands. He says he will...I don't hear from him for three days! How do you not call your girlfriend when you are flying on a plane to let her know you are okay?? The day I heard from him was the day I went and saw the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You," with a girlfriend. He had TEXTED me while I was in the movie. Not even a phone call. I knew it was over. As silly as the movie is, I had read the book and it really does make sense. He just was not that into me...a lesson I have learned over and over since. I did end up talking to him that night (Tuesday) and he didn't understand why I was upset I hadn't heard from him. Men are so stupid. Seriously. To this day I have not seen him again. Yup, that's right I did not see him upon his return from his little work seminar. I have talked to him and I have shed tears for him, but have not seen him. Sad.

My third Valentine's Day was Feb 14, 2010 and it was fabulous. My man BFF, C-pilot (not to be confused with T-pilot, man of my dreams) came to see me. He was doing a training flight and they stopped here in Reno. I love every minute with C-pilot. He knows everything about me and yet we are still besties. I picked him up the airport and we went to the best sushi in Reno (we always go out to sushi when we're together). We had to keep telling people we were not a couple. In fact, he had a girlfriend at the time, but he's my best guy friend and I think people can tell that we are just comfy with each other. He had to leave the next afternoon, but stayed in my guest room that night and we talked to each other across the hall. I miss him. He is currently deployed to Afghanistan, so please keep him in your prayers.

So that brings me to today, fourth Valentine's Day in Reno, Feb 14, 2011. I am the epitome of sad single girl. I got to-go sushi from my favorite spot. In fact I was a little embarrassed to even go get it. I didn't want them to know I was single on this day. I didn't even want to go to the gym tonight for fear people would judge me for being single. Sad I know. I have my wine, my sushi and The Bachelor is on tonight - wow this really does suck. I can only hope that next year I will be dating a fabulous man who thinks I am fabulous as well. Ohhh I also got my new iphone. I will attempt to get that all set up...after a few glasses of wine some of you may wonder if that is a good idea BUT at least I may not be able to figure out how to drunk text. Silver lining. Hope everyone is having a wonderful night with the people they love. Until the next bad man encounter...